live well, Neng..

Yesterday the youngest patient in my oncology ward was sent home. She was just 13 years-old. She first was suspected having malignant ovarian tumor and scheduled for surgical treatment. Her surgery went well. Though she didn't recover that fast.
After a week we got the result of her frozen section from pathology anatomy. And it was 4th stadium of ovarian cancer.
After an incomplete surgical treatment, doctors decided that she would have chemotherapy.
Then chemotherapy she had.
It was five long and tiring days of chemotherapy. Plus almost a month long for pre and post surgery care.
She was like our little unlucky sister.

Her smile was huge at last time when she and i passed at hospital corridor. Her family greeted and thanked me for helping and caring their daughter.
Pure, joyous smile. Full of hope of having a good life in the future.
A smile that put a shame on me. I was thinking that while she fighted hard to just stay alive with all those malignancy that eat her body, i --in the good state of health-- sometimes complain and worry to silly things.

Whether my job is good enough. Whether my salary is high enough. Whether i'm good enough so that old-look bodypack owner would find me attractive.
Those things.

Which i found less alive compared to her struggle for life. I seemed ungrateful to what God has given to me.

So, Neng, keep smiling sweetheart. And stay alive. Be strong.

Live well.