it was love, it still is..

i should have been more courageous, it wasn't the traffic light's fault or timing fault, it was my many hesitations..  -Kim Jung Hwan 

 

then i wonder..

it all starts here,

and going stronger.

i love you.

i forgot to bring my journal

The thing I always try not to forget when I am on trip anywhere is my dear journal. My very private notes of babblings, daily stories and random shit.I always try not to leave it behind. Since I'm so introvert and quite quiet person I rarely interact with other passengers during trip so all I do in a trip is usually to read or write something. Especially when I travel alone. I know I shouldn't do that. I waste my time to socialize and getting new friends. I know. Everyone keeps telling me that.

My favorite writing time is my time going back hometown. Now as i lose more and more time to write -in the name of work, exhaustion, laziness or mere having no thing to write about, time in hometown is so precious because everything, every sound, every element seems to stimulate me to pick my pen and pour the words out.

That's why I felt so lost now when I got time to go home and the thing that I left behind was no other than my beloved journal. I feel like I lost something precious. Like I didn't wear my undies or forgot where my phone was.

I kept catching lines in my mind, seeing interesting things just to find i didn't have my journal to write them into.

So I made the list. List of things I should bring when I travel so I won't forget important things and regret on later time. I know that this list should be made ages ago when I found that traveling is important in life and I should do it at least once a year. But, better late than never, right?

hi, it's been awhile. i missed being here..

restart

it's been a while.

sekarang musim hujan di bandung dan seharian ini ia mengguyur kota dengan puasnya, bikin hari libur saya jadi gloomy dan malas (walau memang biasanya juga seperti itu).

sudah lama tidak kembali kemari.
antara rutinitas kerja yang (kadang) membosankan, perhatian yang teralihkan pada sederet daftar judul drama korea dan kegilaan saya pada grup kpop yang baru debut agustus lalu, WINNER.

di tengah semua excuses itu, tak begitu banyak hal berubah.
saya masih cewek yang kerja di instansi pemerintah dan senang tiap tanggal 1 tiba. Dan kerap murung dan (sedikit) kelaparan tiap dekat akhir bulan. :)
masih single (thankyouverymuch).
masih kadang kelayapan sendirian.
masih bete kalau ditanya kapan kawin.
yeah, still the same old me.

walau sekarang sudah sangat jarang menulis lagi, baik blogging atau nulis cerita beneran.
less adventurous.
dan patah hati gara-gara objek yang lama ditaksir nikah nggak lama ini.

tho, i didnt cry any river. no, i dont.
and i'm proud of that.
berarti aku jadi sedikit lebih waras dan dewasa, kan?
whatever.

hope to see you often after this messy restart.
ttyl!

what's in a name..

What’s in a name?

We use name as means to facilitate us in differentiating people. But more than that, in my religious belief, name is filled with prayer and expectation of traits, fortune and future depicted from its meaning. It’s a wish, an identity.

My late grandfather was the one who came up with idea for my name. Too bad, i never had a chance to ask where he got the idea from. My name is quite rare used by people in common.

Where most vero ends with veronica or veronique, i’m probably one of those rare people whose name veronia.

At first i hated it. Back then when i was a kid, my schoolmates—mostly boys, had fun on my name by intentionally called me veron, one of the popular footballers from italia. He was a good player but he was bald and well, a boy. It wasn’t too bothersome at first but when it continuously repeated, it started to feel annoying.

When i asked my parents about that name issue and the reason why they named me that, they answered my elementary-school self with the line “it was a gift from late grandpop, kiddo.” I was still curious but did not ask for more. I tried to act indifferent to those funny remarks so the boys would feel tired by themselves and stopped playing jokes. It worked.

My name sometimes be compared with one of the wives of a well known dangdut singer in the country. Though the name was veronika, people thought that my name was similar to that lady because my parents, or whoever gave me the name, was fond of her. Never in my mind i think of being in the same place as hers.

It was then when i was on 1st year of high school, my biology teacher assigned us to make a writing about our name and how it related to our roots. There was no explicit word in my name that was similar with my family name. It was not that popular by the time i was born to put last name of the father in the child’s name, especially in a rural area where i lived. So i questioned my parents once again to help me for some information.

There, finally my parents said that there is indeed a meaning within the name given to me. 

Vero, in Latin, means great hero, or real, or true. While in Old Greek it means bearer of the victory. While Nia, in Latin, means radiance or brightness. Those are informations i retrieved from google.

But Father said that late grandpop explained vero in my name meant something related with the first of sequence or the first of greatness, inspired by the way ‘pharaoh’ spelled. I was surprised, and creeped out. How could my late grandfather named his lovely granddaughter after a ruined dynasty known for its immoral and corrupted powers.

But, perhaps, despite all those negative backgrounds glued to my name, i believe there is good reason why my late grandfather came up with the name. Aside of its weird root, there are good meanings within my name.  

And there is nothing i would change from my name. It represents me properly. It portrays a rarity, and a fragility hidden beneath tough wall of a name they gave me, and also my identity of two families where i come from.

I pray of being first radiant light of truth and greatness for my family and people i love.

there, i told you what's in mine. so, what's in yours?

hey, june...

hey, June..

hello midyear that always makes me yearn for the previous months to return to so i wouldn't feel so old.

starting last may, i decided to go back to the class reviewing this language i rarely use. 

it's nice to be involved in a routine which requires you to write things you know you love. and it's nicer to have routine that compel you to go back and forth in an environment where passion fills the air. 

and starting this month, i'm gonna challenge myself in writing department. i make this personal challenge called weekly writing project. so, once a week, i'll come up with a premise, can be retrieved from any source, and try to write an article out of it.

first premise comes from one of the article about the meaning of a name. i'll try to share what's within my name on the next post.

once a week sounds tiny and insignificant, but for someone so eager to put off things like me, that is a proper number. wish me luck.

so, June, be nice to me. and be more productive.